Why I Believed In God, Lost Him, and Found Him Back.

As a child, I was raised in a Christian family. I went to a Christian elementary school, and after that also went to a Christian-based trade school for carpentry.

I went to Sunday school at church and went to a youth group in the church every Thursday, where we played games and did Bible studies.

For some people, that is all they need to live a full life in Christ, and for me that was also the case until my 17th year.

How I Lost My Faith

Around the age of 16, I found out that my mother had cancer. That was in 1971, and health care was not as advanced. They did not have many treatment options, and cancer, in most cases, would end in death.

One of the details is that my parents tried to protect me and did not tell me until it was almost certain that my mother would not survive this. At that time, I was 16, but still very much a child.

After my graduation from trade school, at 15, I went to school to study structural engineering. I also quit Sunday school and the Thursday Bible study. Just because I was getting too old for that group.

Then, when I was 17, my mother passed away, and things changed in my life and my way of thinking.

What Changed In My Life

After the funeral and grieving, I had to go back to school, but I did not feel like it. I was mad at God and the world for taking my mother. My reasoning was that if I died at a young age, an education would not make sense.

Later I realized that during grieving, the devil can use his tools to pull you away from God.

What Was My Life Like

Long story short. I started going out more, drinking and partying. Staying out late and hardly ever ate at home anymore.

For many years, even after my marriages, I settled down, and having children, I stayed away from church and anything that was related to religion.

I was, I think, a good father and husband. I lived a decent life. I just did not live a Christian life and did not raise my children in that life.

How I Found God Back – And Not Realize It

However, how hard I tried to convince myself that I was right and that God did not exist, deep down I knew I was wrong.

I just ignored and buried that feeling and those thoughts deep in my mind.

Years later, I was running my own business and, just like most small businesses, had a lot of worries and a hard time making a decent profit.

Then this is what happened. At 4 in the morning, something woke me up. I still don’t know if it was a voice, a touch, or a feeling.

Immediately, a thought went through my head. What if I died now?

I thought about that and figured that the world would keep on turning. Someone else would live in my house, and for most people, nothing would change.

But also right away I felt a peace and a “don’t worry” feeling. It felt as if someone told me it would all be all right, and I knew it was true.

After that, I never, and still don’t, worry about money anymore. Sometimes, I had more than I needed, and sometimes I had just enough.

How God Pulled Me Back In

Still, for a long time I did not go to church or even pray. However, I had a feeling something was with me all the time.

Later I met my wife, and we, once in a while, went to a Pentecostal church. Mostly on holidays and on invitation.

That is where my hunger for going back to church and drawing closer to God started to grow, and after a while we started looking for our own church.

What happened was that God never pushed me. He was there just waiting for me to come back to him. He used other people to wake that feeling up in me again.

Now our life is filled with church services, revivals, prayer meetings, and, most important, trying to plant the seeds of Christianity in people’s lives.

This is a very short version of my life up to this day, and how I lost God and I found Him again. Many of the articles I write here are based on these experiences.

Eddie van Aken